The Spiritual Side - Where Does The Propoganda End & The Truth Begin?

i deeply struggle with something.

i was pretty much raised christian and as i got older i began to "fall away"
to the point that i just believed there was no validity to the bible whatsoever.
i have felt strongly in that direction for about five years now.

meanwhile, i have always had a feeling that there was a corrupt power
controlling the actions of our government. occurrences that would take place and their explanation of the causes(tragedies) or reasons for(policies/laws) these occurrences
always left me with an automatic disbelief. i wondered if accidents were really accidents.
and i'm not usually a skeptic, my personality leads me to want to believe people,
i guess having such a passion for wanting someone to be honest only fueled my
intuition to see their lies.

not too long ago a name that i had heard about but didn't really remember how was brought up to me. the illuminati. i googled it and read suggested articles which set me off on my own search.
each discovery validated suspicions i always had and didn't know why: the government is operated by a higher power who is set on being the control of a one world order.

digging deeper began to contradict my current (dis)beliefs involving christianity.
the further i went down the rabbit hole, the more things i found falling in line with what i have been taught from the bible.

the deeper you dig into the free masons (who are just another face for the illuminati) the more you find that it is their desire to carry out this plan for new world order to honor who they hold to be the one true savior, lucifer.
this leaves me torn, these events are clearly being carried out, and their true motivation is the will to carry out the demands of their god. if there is a lucifer, there must be a god.
you can sense the evil in the world, there has to be good.

i haven't figured out yet what to believe as far as the spiritual side goes.
the fact that the bible has been translated by powerful men throughout history
makes it hard for me to believe that it didn't become a tool for their propaganda
over time more and more.
my thought behind this is, christianity is one of the top religions in the world.
it teaches of the end times, world peace occurring, and soon following, a choice to follow the world government's wishes to mark us (with the mark of the beast) or die. it encourages it's believers to die instead.
elitists are passionate about population control. (google prominent people discussing population control) they believe a large decrease in the world's population would be beneficial. once they take control of the world, this will be an agenda to carry out. but their history shows they work though manipulation, not direct force.
see where i'm going with this? why not write your plan as prophecy in a holy book, make the followers of that book the most prominent religion in the world through manipulation? (if you think about it, most mainstream folks in the media push the idea of being a christian, it's the ideal thing to do) Then, when all the "prophecies" (plans) start coming true, and time comes to begin carrying out the agendas of the new world order, their population control agenda wont be an issue. the majority of the world will lay down willingly when told to choose, thinking they will be going somewhere better. it just makes too much sense to me, and the bible never really sat right with me anyways.

with all that said, i really want to believe that there is a god. i really want to believe that there is a higher power who ultimately has control of these scum and is on the side of the resistance providing strength and wisdom. and i believe that there is, i just don't know anything more than that. but it is something i am passionate about finding more about, so stay tuned.